Covenantal Blues

I am the very model of a modern gerish Jewish girl
I've information agadah, halacha, and mustache twirl
I know chazal and who's gedol, and I quote avot historical
From stumbling blocks to floating skulls, in order most methodical.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters problematical,
I understand invasions, both vexing and emphatical.
About K'lal Israel, read- Jews, I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about brit-covenantal blues.

With many cheerful facts about brit-covenantal blues...

Stolen Adapted from the Pirates of Penzance

I am walking to the library, through a tall stand of evergreens. The earth undulates and cushions my feet- aaaah. The silence is G-d speaking. Oh, I love the silence! Small daisies carpet the ground. They hold the fragrance of meadows.

I wander by a small creek, so clear and therefore so fascinating. It reminds me of my childhood, playing by the river bank, in the light, in the warmth, in the wondering.

Well, I think about G-d all the time and my purpose in this life. I have a very unsettled life, materially and emotionally (unlike some bloggers who have the luxury of delving into minutiae, oh I wish!). So, I was thinking about the Covenant. I was thinking about tikkun olam (repairing the world). I was thinking about what we agree to when we become partners in the Covenant. It is not enough to be born into it, IMO, because if you don't know what you've agreed to, then how can you live your life accordingly? And tradition does not cut it, it's a lazy answer.

When I converted I took on the "yoke" of Torah (though I sometimes think the 'yoke' is not Torah, but Jews). But I also entered the Brit (Covenant). I know, as much as it is humanly possible for me to know, what I agreed to. Being a "light unto the nations", following G-d's laws, loving G-d as stated in the Shema, striving to be "humanly holy", living a Jewish life and Jewish ideals. For me, Judaism is not part of my life, but my entire life; my life and behaviour, however imperfect, are dictated by the Hebrew calendar, the festivals, Jewish living, the complete embrace of Shabbat and always, always, the desire, the waiting for, the preparing for, the longing for, Shabbat.

So, Shabbat scooped up and enveloped the day, and it was a perfect and most beautiful day where beauty surprised me wherever my eyes alit; it was as if seeing things for the very first time. I said the bracha (blessing) for encountering Beauty, though I don't know the Hebrew ending of it, so I say it half in Hebrew and half in English, while my next step is to learn the Hebrew. It's interesting that I say this bracha so often. I think it is because I so love beauty. I imagine someone else may often say brachot for veggies, or trees or rainbows, or cake (rabbinic origin). It's a mindfulness, but you really don't have to know that- you just need to find the blessing that gets you going. And mine is Beauty. I thank G-d for beauty!

And I was wondering, this Shabbat- I know a little of how I approach the Covenant, I made a deal, I swore, I feel responsible for my part in it. And I was wondering...heck, what is G-d's part in it? Like, what is He doing, what is He moving towards, why do we need a Brit, what's in it for us with Him as partner? I know what I am doing, and He knows what I am doing, but I don't know at all what He is doing. If the Brit requires faith and trust, what is the object? I realise, I really don't know. All I know is that I am, as humanly possible, trying to do my bit.

And so, unpuzzle me this- in this day and age, what is G-d's participation and share in the Brit? What is the point?